Mervis

unglued

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Wednesday, March 27, 2002
 
Now I can tell it's a full moon tonight. I really hate admitting that these kinds of things affect me. I want to believe that it's bunk. Moon, shmoon. I am not subject to the vagaries of the planets and their satellites.
Passover starts tonight, and I am looking forward to two nights of matso and charoset. I had my last bit of chometz for lunch. Avacodo and cheese on whole wheat and rice pudding for lunch. I was supposed to have the next two days off for the holiday...and I don't want to work and ought not to...
In spite of the amazing sex life Peter and I share, my life seems to be lumbering along these days. The harder I work, the further behind I seem to get. I cannot seem to focus on what I want to do: sing. write. Not that the lack of focus should surprise me. I spent eighteen years of my life listening to my father quietly, yet effectively, discourage every creative endeavor I had as a waste of time, or ridiculous. Funny, I know that today, he wouldn't dream of discouraging me. I don't mean to whine, but that is what I struggle against. The voice has become extremely sophisticated at keeping me in a dead end job, not singing and writing but never even suggesting to anyone that I have something worth reading. This blog is as 'out' as I can be without destoying myself, mentally, later.